Our Stories

If you were to describe yourself to someone who didn’t know you, what would you say?

Would you describe the way you look?  Height, weight, hair color, eye color, ethnicity, or maybe even the kind of clothes you typically wear?

Would you tell them your likes and dislikes, which political party you vote for, what hobbies you have, or the kind of books you like to read?

Do you tell them about your friends and family members, or experiences you’ve had like where you have traveled, or who you have gained or lost throughout your life?

How about what you are passionate about, what you do for a living, what your favorite color is, or what foods you like to eat?

What about your tendencies, such as being a jealous person, a compassionate person, an over-achiever, or anxious, stubborn, laid-back, or perhaps a “neat freak”?

At the last teacher training we were learning about the first three chakras, and there was a lot of introspection taking place within the group.  We were discovering where we felt off in our own energies, and how to create and maintain balance through various asanas, meditations, breathing exercises, and other activities.  I love this stuff, because it makes so much sense to me and I can definitely see how it works in my body and in my life.  When I hear a sad story, my hand immediately flies to my chest – my heart chakra.  Whenever I get “too in my head”, going for a walk or run help to ground me, or balance my root chakra.  During pregnancy, I felt like I couldn’t tap into any creativity to write, but what was actually happening was that all of my creative energy was being used up in baby-growing (which happens right at the sacral chakra, which, when balanced, has to do with creativity!) Is your mind blown yet?

Anyways, chakra study is really neat stuff, but what I found really interesting was to hear my fellow trainees (myself included) chime in with their own stories of what makes them who they are and why.  The anxious mother, the analytical doctor, the creative healer. . . .who was I?  What adjective do I belong to?  I thought about this throughout the weekend.  I can be anxious, but I can also be very laid-back.  I can be creative, but I can also be logical.  I can be giving and compassionate, but I can also be greedy and jealous.  I can be disciplined, and I can be lazy.

Can’t we all, though?  Everyone goes through these shifts in life.  Everyone.  We just attach ourselves to the side we notice or experience more, and then we feed into the idea of being that way and soon others see us in that way as well.  This can be a good thing, if it’s a positive trait and it’s kept fairly balanced (like being compassionate can be wonderful, unless it’s sucking the life out of you to feel everyone’s pain, or being disciplined is great unless you can’t chill out when you really need to).  However, it reminds me of children in school who are told by one teacher, or have repeatedly poor grades in one subject, and then cling to the idea that they are not good at that subject, or they are not smart, or even the opposite could be true, and both could do more harm than good.

How can clinging to “your story” keep you from growing?  Think about a personality trait, maybe one I have already mentioned, and notice your reaction to it.  Are you proud of it?  Do you resent it?  Do you wish it were different?  Do you hope you always embody it?

We’re constantly changing.  We grow older, we learn new things, our schedules change, our lifestyles change.  These changes can really affect these deeply ingrained ideas we have about ourselves, and clinging to them doesn’t help.  So, notice what you cling to.  Notice what you associate yourself with, and ask yourself if that “story” serves you, or how authentic this idea of yourself really is.  I want to believe I’m still the disciplined young adult who could get up at 5am, teach middle school kids all day, hop in the car and head straight to field hockey practice to coach high school girls for a couple of hours, and still find the energy to workout, eat well, and maintain a social life as well as a romantic relationship.  Nope, not me anymore.  Right now, I’m lucky if I can wash, fold and put away laundry all in the same day.  But, I won’t hang out too tightly to the “who I was” and “who I am” idea, because neither serve me and help me to be the best version of myself today.

I hope that after reading this you make a mental note to check yourself whenever you attach a story to your personality.  It could be a good story, or it could be a bad story, but being mindful of the story is the important part.

Namaste, friends

 

The Kleshas & How I Killed My Mac

About an hour before the death of my MacBook Air, I was reading this article about Kleshas, which are part of yoga philosophy that tends to get over-looked in our world of chaturanga’s and headstands.

As I repeatedly – desperately – pressed the power button, praying to the techno-gods that I would see that little Apple logo light up on my screen to let me know that everything was going to be okay, I caught myself and actually giggled out loud a little bit.  My dogs gave me strange looks, and proceeded to enjoy their afternoon naps while I made the decision that I must blog about this horrible event immediately, before I realize the damage I had done.

Let me back up. . .

I’m having an enjoyable morning so far, after waking up wayyyyy to early from a friend’s text who forgot I was 2 hours behind her, making it 4:30am.  Dave was waking up anyways, because his PT today was doing The Incline.  I have never seen him so excited to wake up for PT before.  He sprung out of bed shortly after my 4:30am wake-up text, and I couldn’t fall back asleep.  So, I was up for the day.

Breakfast was eaten, news was watched (which I never do, but falling asleep to the smell of smoke and all of the wildfires out here lately made me eager to know what was going on in my new city), phone meeting was made, and laundry was in progress.  After sufficient Facebook-ing and Pinterest-ing were done, I grudgingly did the dishes and was going to reward myself with a yoga class before I made myself lunch.  Tough life, huh?

Upstairs, I set up my space, with my mat next to the bed, Mac parked at the top of my mat, and blocks and straps nearby.  Whoops, I better get a glass of water!  I set my water off to the right of my computer near the top of my mat, and then go to pull the curtains back so that I can turn off the lights and practice in the sunshine.

I step backwards. . . I hear the clink of glass-meets-keyboard. . . I feel the cool liquid on my heel. . . NNnnoooooooooOOOoOOooo!!!!

It’s silly, really, how attached I am to this piece of technology.  I feel as though I’ve lost everything, when really, it’s going to be okay.

My biggest concerns here are:

1) It cost a lot of money.

              a) I don’t have any money.  I am so broke.  There is no way I can replace it, and I don’t think my     warranty covers dumb water spills.

              b) It wasn’t even MY money.  Remember, I’m kind of spoiled (Vitamix), and this was last year’s Christmas/Hanukkah gift from my parents.  It was between that and a juicer, and I was very happy with my decision, and now that decision won’t turn on and I feel as though I wasted my parents’ money and I feel bad.

2) It has all of my stuff on it!  Documents! Pictures!  Saved stuff!  Passwords I’ll never remember and were saved on the websites! My bookmarks!  There were so many new, cool things I had saved in my bookmarks and now I’ll never remember those mommy blogs or reference sites for my Juice Plus+ stuff!!

3) It was a great laptop. . . small, lightweight, easy to operate, synced easily with all my other Apple products. . . please don’t make me go back to using my HP!  You win, Dad.

My first thoughts were ridiculous.  I shouldn’t have gotten water!  I shouldn’t have been doing yoga!  Ummmm no.  That’s stupid.  Both water and yoga are really good for me.  Better for me than my Mac is, that’s for sure!  That’s when I realized that it was my attachment to this object that was causing my suffering.  HOW SILLY, RIGHT??  But think about it.  Think about the things in  your life that you feel as though you couldn’t live without.  How do you feel when you leave your phone at home accidentally?  Or your battery dies while you’re out, either on your phone, your camera, or some other really important thing that needed to be charged but wasn’t and now you have to do without?  How about sentimental things, like wedding rings, or gifts from Grandma?  Have you ever gotten halfway to work and realized you left your coffee mug (with freshly brewed coffee inside) on the counter at home?  (Dave does this a lot, poor guy.)  If it ruins your day/mood when any of these things happen, then this is attachment, which is one of the Kleshas, or obstacles of our spiritual growth.  Otherwise known as Afflictions.

There are five of them: ignorance (Avidya), egoism (Asmita), attachment (Raga), aversion (Dvesha), and clinging to bodily life (Abhinivesa).  I guarantee you can identify with at least one if not all on an almost daily basis.  Ouch! (You can click on the link to the article I read earlier to learn more about the Kleshas, because she does a great job explaining them in a way that relates to modern life.)

Good thing I read that article which had the following advice on how to deal when Kleshas arise and you find yourself with a soggy MacBook at the top of your yoga mat.  Again, go and read what she wrote, but basically, pay attention and notice if and when you’re exhibiting one of the Kleshas, acknowledge it, allow them to come and go and don’t struggle against them (like writing a blog about my experience instead of crying because I just destroyed a grand worth of technology!), and accept it.  Realize that some day, with some inner work and practicing the above advice, maybe you will be able to float above the struggles and let things slide off your shoulders a little easier.  I love reminding myself of the greatest wisdom from the late Ashtanga yoga founder, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois who is famous for the quote, “Practice and all is coming.”  Like practicing handstand bit-by-bit, day-by-day until one day, maybe, if you’re lucky and have been practicing diligently, you can stick it in the middle of the room, you can practice dealing with life’s everyday struggles such as attachment.  However, just like how you may be able to stick a handstand with ease but one day you might kick up a little too aggressively and fall over, Kleshas can sneak back into your life and cause struggle even after years of attention, acknowledgment, acceptance and allowing.  But, why suffer when you don’t have to just because it might not always work, and why stay upright when you can go upside down just because you might fall?