Fear and The Incline

This morning I am enjoying a pleasant, dull soreness in my legs and glutes.  I miss this feeling.  I’m not a huge fan of soreness, which is why I got into yoga in the first place, but the reminder of the previous day’s butt-kicker of a workout is always welcome.  And yesterday, I kicked butt.

I didn’t do anything extra-ordinary.  There were plenty of folks on the trail who do The Incline at least once a week, and I was among the young, the old, the furry, and even one inspirational blind man, who I reached the peak with as he held onto his buddy’s backpack to guide him up over the steep steps made of old train tracks, rocks, and the occasional metal pipe.  And there are A LOT of steps.  The reason for my pride over yesterday’s adventure is because I have come a long way since December, when I was scared of everything and wanted to just live in a bubble for the next 9 months.  Fear sucked a lot of life out of me for a while there.

It’s totally normal to be fearful in pregnancy, or in many life situations, really.  Fear is not a bad thing, but it can be limiting if you let it get out of control.  I had good reason to be fearful, as anyone who has ever been pregnant probably understands, but I think I was a little too cautious for my own good.  To each her own, but she needs to figure out what that means to her – not other people’s experiences or opinions.

The time between thinking I could be pregnant and finding out I actually was pregnant, I laid low.  I had stopped doing CrossFit before even trying to get pregnant, just because I was too scared that I would be unknowingly pregnant and was too scared to be doing burpees and box jumps just in case.  Why was I so scared?  I worked at a CrossFit gym and saw so many healthy, strong, VERY pregnant women come through to do their workouts without any problems.  In fact, they were probably stronger and healthier than most!  But, fear over-rode common sense in my mind, and I gave up my WOD’s.  Even my yoga practice went from an intense, challenging, sweaty vinyasa flow to a VERY gentle, careful, low-key prenatal sequence that avoided all twists, inversions, deep forward bends, back bends, and anything lying on my belly.  Oh, and forget about heated classes (which I LOVE)!  At this point, even if I was pregnant (which I was), I wouldn’t have been doing any harm to a pin-point-sized grouping of cells that was not even a fetus yet!  I was just too scared that something would happen, so instead of doing what felt good in my body, I completely lost trust in my body’s ability to grow a child – something that women have been doing long before mommy websites and pregnancy apps were there to scare you from doing most normal things.

To get over my fear, I had to understand it.  What was I really afraid of?  Where did my fear come from?  Is the fear benefiting or limiting me?  I realized that most of my fear stemmed not from being afraid that something was going to happen, but more so about being afraid of regret.  If I lost the pregnancy, would I regret my yoga practice (even if it could never be linked as the reason for the loss)?  Would I ever be able to practice again without thinking about it?  Another large part of my fear stemmed from other people’s thoughts and opinions, which is pretty common when you think about it.  Many of us fear people’s disapproval and judgement.  I was terrified that if something happened, not only would I blame myself or my practice (or whatever the “risky” thing was), but someone else might blame me, or what I did, as well.

She doesn’t know this, but my friend Maria was a huge inspiration to me throughout my pregnancy (and still).  She recently gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, so she was just a few months ahead of me in this adventure and already having a son, she was also a veteran preggo.  She traveled to Korea during her first trimester, went through an intense yoga teacher training certification in her second, and started teaching in her third – all the way up to 40+ weeks pregnant because baby girl went passed her due date.  Incredible.  That wasn’t all, either.  She continued to run and lift occasionally, always listening to her body and giving herself a break when one was needed.  Her pregnancy wasn’t easy, either.  Similar to my own experience, she was blessed with plenty of nausea and morning sickness, fatigue, ligament pain, back pain – the works.  But, she didn’t let that stop her, and I decided that neither would I.  And you know what?  Ever since I learned how to trust my body and get over my fears, I have felt better and better as I get more and more pregnant, and I also feel strong and empowered when I do things like hike alongside Colorado Springs’ fittest folk.  Thank you, Maria, and all of the other strong, confident momma’s who have inspired me through their experiences.  You probably don’t know who you are, but I bet you could guess 😉

I’m not saying that all pregnant women should push their limits physically, or ignore the warnings about certain activities while pregnant that could be dangerous, or eat things they are told not to.  It’s just about empowering yourself, and making your body be the one who decides what it can and can not do (NOT your ego, however).  This applies to anyone – women who aren’t pregnant and men, too.  Have you ever not done something because you read it was bad or dangerous even though deep down you know it made you feel really good?  I’m not talking about smoking cigarettes or any other obviously unhealthy or risky behavior!  For example, recently I’ve been seeing more and more about long-distance running not being good for you, but if those 20 mile runs make you feel really good and really strong and really disciplined or whatever good feeling comes out of them, are they worth giving up because they “could” be bad?  In my mind, no.  Others may not agree, but that’s my thought on the matter.  Part of letting go of fear is letting go of caring about other people’s opinions.

So, whether you think I’m a terrible person for putting my body through a very challenging physical feat or you think that makes me a badass – I don’t care.  It felt good to me, and that’s really all that matters.

The start, and that’s only the “false summit” that you see. . .

Looking down the path. I made it.

My Safety Net

I love fruits and vegetables.  I am blessed with a palate that truly enjoys pretty much any fruit or vegetable I try, although I’m pretty sure I haven’t always been like that since most of my memories from when I was younger include chicken fingers and french fries.  However, in my adult life, I am a huge fan.

Until I got pregnant.

Oh man, I had it bad.  I thought pregnancy was all about cravings and eating for two, but boy was I wrong.  For the first three months of growing a human being, I couldn’t stomach anything.  Nothing sounded good, ESPECIALLY anything remotely healthy.  I was freaking out, because I had this idea in my head that I would be even more conscious of what I was putting in my body in this delicate time, but unless it was some combination of bread and cheese, it wasn’t happening.  I crossed my fingers that my prenatal vitamins would make up for my lack of good nutrition while I made my third grilled cheese sandwich of the day – the only thing I had been able to eat – and tried not to imagine my baby being formed out of two slices of bread and some cheese.  For a health nerd like me, this was pretty devastating.  I missed green smoothies and crunchy salads.  I missed snacking on apples and blueberries and cucumbers.  I missed feeling good and healthy and strong!  I did not feel good, or healthy, or strong.

One day near the end of my first trimester I had coffee -well, peppermint tea in my case, thanks to the constant nausea – with a friend, and we met up with her other friend who she had been wanting me to meet for a while.  We chatted about our husbands and where we had grown up and where the military had moved us (and would be moving us), and our families.  We soon realized that we were both pretty nerdy when it came to health and wellness, and I told her about how my first trimester was such a struggle because I felt anything but healthy and well!  I told her how much I missed fruits and vegetables, and she whipped out a little package of gummies that were made from the juice of whole fruits and vegetables.  I gobbled them up, and demanded that she go through her entire Juice Plus+ Wellness Presentation right then and there in the coffee shop.  I needed to know everything about it and how I could get this product into my body yesterday.

Now, I am quick to jump on many wellness trends – CrossFit, paleo, barefoot running, green smoothies, etc, etc. . . . however, I’m not big on vitamins and supplements claiming to have magical healing powers.  I took fish oil half-heartedly for a while, but much preferred getting my omega 3’s from my mom’s grilled salmon or some flax seeds mixed into my morning oats or smoothie.  Even protein powder made me wary, due to so much other crap being on the ingredients list.  Some eggs, chicken, fish, or nuts seemed like a much better way to get protein into my body than drinking a chocolate flavored powder drink.  I learned in my college nutrition classes that you end up urinating out most of the stuff that comes in your supplements, because the body simply can’t absorb and use it in that form.  What a waste of money!  So, when I first heard about these capsules of fruits and vegetables, I was initially turned off and resumed my normal “just eat real food” thinking.  Thankfully, I kept listening.

By the end of our conversation, I not only wanted Juice Plus+ in my body, but I wanted to share it with everyone I knew, especially those who were sick, or had been sick, or might end up sick if they don’t start taking care of their health through proper nutrition.  Even those who strive to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, but are either stuck in a rut and lacking variety or maybe just go through periods of time where nutrition falls to the wayside – I’ve sure been there!  That’s all it is, a safety net.  It’s so you can consume the nutrients from kale and beets whether you eat them daily or not, or to make up for those times when you might be sick, or traveling, and fruits and vegetables are hard to come by.  It’s not a free pass to eat like crap as long as you take this magic pill, which is what I like about JP+ and the company.  It promotes healthy living all around.  We even have another product called the Tower Garden where you can grow your own fruits and vegetables so that there is no excuse NOT to eat them!  I’ve even noticed that I tend to WANT more fruits and vegetables when I’m taking my JP+, sort of like when you start eating junk food and all of a sudden you are craving more junk food, except the opposite.

I could go on and on about the research, and the way the product is made, and about how phytonutrients are so much better for you than the isolated vitamins and minerals from supplements, and how JP+ has been proven to be bioavailable and actually do what it claims to do in the body, but I would rather you come to a presentation yourself.  Mostly, because I am hosting two webinars coming up, and I don’t want it to just be me and my mom. . . . Kidding, kind of.  It’s because if you read this blog, you probably care about your health in one way or another, and I think that this information would be really interesting to you.  Everyone knows that fruits and vegetables are important for good health, but do you really know and understand why?  This presentation isn’t about selling a product, it’s about explaining the how’s and why’s of the preventative health and healing powers of fruits and vegetables.

So, if you’d like more information or would like to attend an event either in person or online (fancy, fancy!), please let me know.  The upcoming Wellness Webinars will be this Sunday afternoon and Tuesday, although the times are not yet set in stone.

Please “come”, I’d love to “see” you.

Be Well,

Namaste 🙂

As Long As I’m On My Mat

Thirteen days.  That’s how many nights we stayed in hotels, living out of our suitcases and whatever was in my truck while the rest of our belongings remained locked up in the moving truck.  Two (and a half!) humans and two dogs, one suitcase, one duffel bag, one laundry basket filled with a random assortment of shower stuff, hoodies, towels, and water bottles, and a yoga mat.

Thank goodness for that yoga mat. . .

Surprisingly, I felt pretty great throughout the trip from North Carolina to Colorado.  I was worried about having to drive, since usually Dave takes the wheel for the majority of our trips up and down the East Coast.  He actually likes driving long distances.  I don’t mind it either, but I much prefer to have my feet on the dash, knitting needles in hand, and a neck pillow for naps whenever I feel like it.  This trip, however, Dave had to drive the big moving truck towing the Jeep while I drove my truck with the dogs in the back seat.  But, it wasn’t so bad.  Before the trip, my midwife advised me to stop every hour to stretch my legs and to drink plenty of water, which were both easy to do because being 7 months pregnant, my bladder encouraged me to stop every time I saw that blue rest area sign from the highway.  The dogs were motivation to stop as well, seeing as though we’d be on the road for about 4 days and they were used to daily hour long walks and lots of yard-playing time.  So, we stopped plenty, and while Dave played catch with the dogs at the stops that had nice, big, open fields, I used that time to get in a few downward facing dogs and standing pigeon variations – not really caring how silly it might look to passerby’s.  It felt GOOOOOOODDD.

Once we got to Colorado Springs, our new home, we were still hotel-bound until our house was ready for us to move in to.  To pass the time and keep the dogs happy (as well as explore this amazing mountain city) we went on a new hike almost every day!  Both the excessive movement and the stress of the unknown and the in-between called for plenty of hotel yoga sessions.  Again, thank goodness for that yoga mat!   Since I had no internet besides my smartphone, my practice looked something like this:

Put Krishna Das Pandora on phone

Easy seat with pillow under tailbone with palms facing down for grounding – I needed that badly.  Deep breaths in and out.  Start moving when all of the “I wonder where we’ll put the couch” and “I wonder how far the closest yoga studio will be” and “I need to stop spending so much money” stopped crowding my overwhemled, over-excited mind.

Side bends, neck circles, trunk circles, wrist circles – basically move anything that aches a little.

Move into Table and do some cat/cow stretches, then get creative and move the spine however felt good at the time – side to side, circular, combination of all of those movements in a way that I probably looked possessed by the devil or a belly dancer on hands and knees.  Whatever, it felt good and I needed it.

Down dog – aaaahhhhhhhhh 🙂 Stretch out the calves, go high up onto toes and stretch the feet, sway hips side to side.  Feels.  So.  Good.

Walk feet up (and out – belly’s getting in the way!) to hands, then place hands on two bottles of water (didn’t have blocks, had to get creative) and stretch tailbone way back and chest way forward for awesome hamstring stretch otherwise known as preggo-Uttanasana.  Stand all the way up – check to make sure not dizzy from altitude – one hand on heart, one over baby D kicking up a storm in my belly (he either loves or hates yoga because he’s always moving when I practice) and breathe for a few.

Few modified Sun Salutations – I miss jumping up and back and getting really deep into upward facing dog, but I have my whole life to do those things.  For now, Sun Sal’s include Chaturanga’s from my knees and plenty of Child’s poses.

Low lunge with both hands on the inside so belly has room.  Maybe a little twist.  Maybe grab the back foot for a quad stretch.  Definitely some hip circles and then straighten front leg for a nice big hamstring opener.  Yes.

Warrior I.  Shorter stance than usual due to some round ligament pain, but I’ll take it.  I’ll either do Eagle arms, Gomukasana arms, or simply interlace my fingers behind me for a shoulder/chest opener here.  I’ve been told to keep the upper back and shoulders in good form now, because when I’m breastfeeding and holding the baby all of the time these areas are going to get TIGHT!

Warrior II.  Reverse Warrior to Side Angle, back and forth, back and forth.  This makes me feel strong and graceful at the same time, which is something I haven’t been feeling much throughout this pregnancy.  Also, it feels REALLY good to stretch the side body.

Triangle.  One of my favorites, pregnant or not.  Sometimes I’ll go into Half Moon from here, if I’m feeling stable enough.

Goddess Pose – another one that makes me feel really strong.  I’ve also heard this is good for positioning the baby.  To keep my mind off my burning legs, I’ll do one of those arm stretches that I mentioned in Warrior I that I hadn’t done yet. 

Wide-legged Forward Fold with arms way out in front so it is more like a wide-legged downward facing dog than anything.  It’s nice to hang out upside down for a while, since I haven’t been practicing inversions too much.  It’s not that I think that it’s going to make my baby turn upside down or that I’m scared to fall, it just hasn’t felt good while pregnant so why do it?  I’ll just hang out here in this downdog/forward fold combo pose.

Sometimes I’ll balance in tree or dancer.  I try to fit a squat in there, too.  Sometimes I’ll do some other variations from Warrior I or II, but generally I’ll just go to the floor from here.

PIGEON!  Hell yeah.  The best.  There’s usually pillows stuffed under hips and one in front of me to hug while I chill out there for a bit.

Bound-Angle with heels way out in front.  I hardly come down at all, but it still feels great.

Wide-legged forward fold on the ground.  This is one of my favorites since being pregnant!  I don’t know why, but I love it, and I need it daily.  I’ll usually stack pillows in front of me and rest there for a while.  I should really invest in some bolsters. . . .

Some sort of seated twist here.  Gentle, of course.  No squishing baby D!  Then I’ll sit for a bit in easy seat, with one hand on my heart and one on my belly, feeling the kicks and turns and hiccups, and reflecting on how good I feel now that I’ve practiced and why it’s so important for me to get on my mat every single day.

Savasana that looks much more like “sleeping on my side snuggling with 5 pillows”.  I’ll take it!

When the pups come over and start licking my feet and/or face, I’ll slowly get up, turn Krishna Das off, roll up my mat, and give myself a pat on the back for practicing.  Go me.

As soon as the Comcast guy left after hooking up our internet, I unrolled my mat in the huge master bedroom next to the window that overlooks our backyard so the breeze was coming in.  I placed my Mac in front of my mat, logged into my YogaGlo account, picked a new prenatal class with Stephanie Snyder, and did a 45 minute practice.  Today I plan on checking out a prenatal class at this baby store nearby that sells wraps and diapers and other fun crunchy baby things.

My practice is needed more than ever when I’m in a state of change, whether that change be a trip (vacation or otherwise), a move across the country, the physical change of starting up a new activity that might leave you sore or just changing the intensity of that new activity, or the physical change of growing a baby!  Or, in my case, all of the above.  It helps to ground me when I’m feeling misplaced, and it helps to uplift me when I’m feeling bogged down and stressed.  It always reminds me that I’m exactly where I need to be, as long as I’m on my mat.

And so. . .The Adventure Begins

I miss this.

I let my domain name expire and have gone back to the old school blog.  The one I started right before this whole adventure began.  The one I still can’t figure out how to tag and add widgets to.  The one that doesn’t cost any money to maintain or make me feel pressured to understand SEO or any other social media terminology.

Ah, it feels good to be back to the green screen with the goofy smiles of my husband and his buddies at my all-dudes yoga class a few years back at the boxing gym in my hometown.

I guess I’m just looking for some kind of grounding, constant thing that I can rely on while everything is changing on me – my body, my location, my roles, my routines, my jobs.  When I stopped blogging 6 months ago, it was because I’m a horrible secret keeper, and I had too many secrets to keep.  There was too much on my mind that writing about green smoothies and yoga poses would somehow include hints about the baby I was secretly growing in my belly, and the potential move across the country that we had no idea we’d be making a year ago, and even 6 months ago weren’t really sure what we’d be doing and where.  It was just easier not to let my fingers touch the keypad at all.

I wanted to, though.  I had so many ideas about what to write about while I was struggling through morning sickness and falling asleep and/or snacking on my mat rather than practicing (but then discovering how amazing it felt when I actually had the energy/stomach to flow through some poses.  It was comical how drastic my diet changed due to my inability to stomach anything that didn’t have ketchup on it, so when I discovered Juice Plus+ I wanted to shout it from the rooftops I was so happy to be getting the nutrition from fruits and vegetables again!  When I started feeling great on the inside, but lousy when I looked at the scale or in the mirror at my changing body that did/does NOT look like the cute little basketball-bellied friends of mine, I wanted to share my internal battle with body image and self confidence.  I saw a chiropractor for the first time ever, whose adjustments helped my round ligament pain and an old rugby neck injury tremendously, and I wanted you to know!  My friends and family laugh at how calm and relaxed I am when we have 5 days to pack up our house, 3 days to drive across the country (6 months pregnant, with two dogs), and hopefully find a place to live sometime shortly after that.  I want to share my strategy for not letting the stress of our situation get to me, because I’m not quite sure how long my ignorant bliss will last!

Basically. . . . I’m back. . . . and I hope you are, too 🙂

It’s about time for another adventure. . . .